Welcome - We're in this Unwanted but Compulsory Journey Together

[admin]

Hello,

I am Susan, the founder and creator of this website, and developer of the products we feature thus far. My mission for this website is to provide an unprecedented service to help people to deal with the emotional pain of loss caused by the death of a loved one. My goals include developing an interactive and holistic cyber community comprised of a compassionate and empathetic network of individuals, groups and organizations; developing innovative bereavement support products and services; and a community dedicated to the betterment of humankind. I hope and pray that you will find comfort at our website. All this flourished from my idea for our compilation CD product, Love is Eternal - Songs of Love, Loss, Courage and Survival. I was always comforted when I heard the featured songs, especially because many of them are actual expressions of the artists' own loss, and the sharing of our personal experiences is why support groups are so helpful to people who are grieving.

Now, in accordance with message board guidelines, I'd like to share my very recent personal experience with loss.My parents have been gone for many years, and losing each one was devastating. However, fortunately for me I had two maternal aunts that became excellent surrogates. For two women that never had children of their own, they fulfilled a tall order for my brother, my cousins and me. However, quite unexpectedly one aunt, the one who lived closest to me and with whom I spent an enormous amount of time, passed away recently on April 9th.You can learn more about her at our Memorials section, grieftogreatness.com first memorial. Now, once again, nothing seems right with the world. I feel as if I lost my best friend, and another parent. My interaction with her was one in which I derived great joy. We spent our time together shopping and dining, sharing small pleasures with each other. She loved the CD, and was looking forward to the launching of the website. Now I find myself longing for her and missing her immensely. She lived to a ripe old age, but in many ways she had just begun to live, and I was thrilled to be a part of her life, at this time in my life.

[Muse]

What a beautiful story.... Thank you for sharing it....

I found this place entirely by accident - I was googling grief resources, and WHAM - there you were...

My father had a stroke on June 22, 2008..... He died on June 26, 2008. He was only 66 - and in excellent health. As a matter of fact, he'd been to his doctor only 6 days before the stroke occurred.

I still marvel at how absolutely huge the void is he left behind. It frightens me, too, because I can't see how anything that empty can possibly heal. My birthday was Aug 22nd. I turned 43. I don't think I've ever missed anyone so much in my entire life as I did my father on that day. I just wanted to hug him - to feel him hug me....

How does life turn on a dime like that? I just don't understand it. I remember sitting in the ICU waiting room with my family (mother, brother, sister, in-laws, husband, kids, etc) and thinking that only 3 days ago he was fine.... How do we go from "fine" to this so quickly?

I hate the way this has polarized me - my life.... even my language has changed to qualify events as being either BDD (Before Daddy's Death) or ADD (After Daddy's Death).

Some days I'm ok... some days I'm not. I guess I sought out this place because I've noticed that, here lately, the Not-Ok days seem to be increasing in number. It's becoming more difficult to get out of bed in the morning. I hate to admit this to anyone, but this morning I actually sat at my desk and tried to think of an excuse to leave work. I've never done that before.

I talk to my sister sometimes, but as the oldest, I feel like I should be the strong one. I worry about my mother (they were married for 44 years) and how she's coping.... my brother and my sister... I've stopped talking to them because I feel guilty for laying my burdens on the hearts of people already burdened. My husband is an angel, but, he has a great deal on his plate too.... I guess I feel like I'm expected to deal with this and move on - to quit whining about my feelings...

No one has said or even implied this, but somehow I feel that's what I'm supposed to do - I've been trying, but its just not working out like I thought...

Thanks for letting me vent.... and thanks for having a safe place for me to vent.

Peace,
Muse

[Carol]

I am new to this site; my mother passed away on October 4, 2008, she had been sick on and off for a long time, back and forth from home to hospital to rehab and back on the cycle that would eventually lead to her passing. She was a strong women, who was the glue that held us all together, she was 91 years when she passed, but her mind was fully intact, she did her own checkbook, and made sure her bills were paid on time, she was amazing, She loved all of us very much, although she was lonely these past 7 years since my father passed, she still managed to emotionally take care of us. She lived with my husband and I for the last 17 months, before that, my angel daughter took care of her. She originally moved in with mom and dad to take care of them both, although she was very young 22 at the time she wanted to do this, so she went to work every day came home and cooked their meals and cleaned the house and then after daddy died, it was her and my mom. They were funny together, real roomies.....Then it got hard for her to care for mom so we all moved and my daughter was able to get her own place and i looked after mom, although she still looked to my daughter for things she was used to her doing. She loved her great grandchildren so much, three of them lived in our area, so they were quite close. I miss her terribly, because everything here reminds me of her, but i know that she is with my dad now and no more pain or suffering, They are dancing in heaven. Watching her suffering was so hard, we didnt think we could do it another day, and we prayed for God to take her home.When the time finally came for her to leave, it was a blessing but I still have trouble with the acceptance. My children were wonderful as was my husband,I am almost 62 years old, but she was there every day of my life, and worried about me and told me "please dont cry for me I will be alright". I can hear her say that every day that I am sad. Please forgive me for rambling and thank you for listening.........Carol

[admin]

Carol Wrote:I am new to this site; my mother passed away on October 4, 2008, she had been sick on and off for a long time, back and forth from home to hospital to rehab and back on the cycle that would eventually lead to her passing. She was a strong women, who was the glue that held us all together, she was 91 years when she passed, but her mind was fully intact, she did her own checkbook, and made sure her bills were paid on time, she was amazing, She loved all of us very much, although she was lonely these past 7 years since my father passed, she still managed to emotionally take care of us. She lived with my husband and I for the last 17 months, before that, my angel daughter took care of her. She originally moved in with mom and dad to take care of them both, although she was very young 22 at the time she wanted to do this, so she went to work every day came home and cooked their meals and cleaned the house and then after daddy died, it was her and my mom. They were funny together, real roomies.....Then it got hard for her to care for mom so we all moved and my daughter was able to get her own place and i looked after mom, although she still looked to my daughter for things she was used to her doing. She loved her great grandchildren so much, three of them lived in our area, so they were quite close. I miss her terribly, because everything here reminds me of her, but i know that she is with my dad now and no more pain or suffering, They are dancing in heaven. Watching her suffering was so hard, we didnt think we could do it another day, and we prayed for God to take her home.When the time finally came for her to leave, it was a blessing but I still have trouble with the acceptance. My children were wonderful as was my husband,I am almost 62 years old, but she was there every day of my life, and worried about me and told me "please dont cry for me I will be alright". I can hear her say that every day that I am sad. Please forgive me for rambling and thank you for listening.........Carol

[admin]

So sorry for your loss Carol. It's easy to see how loving, wonderful and integral your mother was to your family, and how loving and supportive your family was to her. Your daughter will always remember and have that special time she spent living with and caring for her, and you as well. Thanks for sharing your loving and nuturing mom with us. Take care.