Losing a friend...

[BrokenHeartedEQ]

I couldn't sleep tonight. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. It might sound a bit strange to some to be so upset over an animal but he was so much more to me. I lost my beloved horse Alston on April 19th of this year. He passed over night out in his pasture alone. Its been 8 months and still I can't say his name, look at a picture, or talk about him without tearing up. Sometimes it just gets so hard. He used to be the only real thing in my life. When i was stressed when i was upset he is where I ran to. He was my peace. I lost that when I lost him. Its so difficult to move through this. I just can't seem to let him go. I want to because I want to be able to say his name and smile when I remember all we did together, but instead I barely speak his name because it upsets me. I pray people don't talk to me about horses, the person who until the loss of him could talk horses all day without a breath. He was so special to me, i'm struggling so hard with this. I wish so much that I could just have him back, I would have spent more time with him the night before. He looked back at me as I was leaving him the night before, I wish I had hugged his neck one more time or kissed his nose and told him i loved him just one last time before I left.

He was angel, my answered prayer. I truely beleive that. I had prayed to God that I wanted a a throughbred/hanoverian cross bay with four white socks and a big blaze...and he delivered him. He was to a "T" what I had always wanted. Now there is such a void in my heart, and nothing seems to fill it. I fear that my grief is taking a toll on the people close to me. They don't understand...I should be over it by now. And I know I should be making that progress but I just can't seem to let it go for whatever reason. I need help with this. Any help, suggestions, peace of mind is what i'm seeking.

"If tears could build a staircase
and memories a lane,
I would walk all the way to Heaven,
and bring you back again."